For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
the liver wants what the liver wants
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
