just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
