On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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