I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I am naked and annoyed.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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