Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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