now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
