Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize