You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
