I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
