Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
