My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
