so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
