She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
