i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
