Old men and throwing up are my life now.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
