I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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