i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
