If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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