Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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