Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
