I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
