About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
