haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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