Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
