I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
