I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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