Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
