Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
