I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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