I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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