I am in a vortex of obligation.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
