Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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