Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
