You're my little dorito
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
