he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
