Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
