Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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