apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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