I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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