OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
