i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
