I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I FOUND THE LEGS
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
