Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
