hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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