so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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