it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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