The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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