i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
