i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
