was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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