Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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