when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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