You just made me feel so damn special
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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