I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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