The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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