you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
