Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
