So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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