I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
