Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
