he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
