Soap is not a condiment
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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