If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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