she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
